Friday, November 4, 2011

Things that make me stabby: Nickelback

Has there ever been a band that just made you want to peel off your own face and divide it into four equal pieces and shove one of those pieces down each of the throats of the band members so they can never ever make "music" again? Me too. For me, that band is Nickelback.

Chad Kroeger is like if Satan and Hitler had a hate child.
 Seriously, folks. Have you ever actually listened to their lyrics?  I tried to avoid it, but I was forced to listen as Nickelback unleashed their song vomit on me today. Here's an excerpt:

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
Then we'd see the day when nobody died.

I beg to differ, Nickelback. Even if everyone cared and nobody cried and everyone loved and nobody lied, people would still die.  Wait, lemme check my math. YEAH. Last I checked, lies and tears don't cause death, asshats. Check your facts, Nickelback.

Better yet, stop assaulting our delicate ears and go back to Canada, you ludicrous turd monkeys.

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